In this short
Christmas story, Astra is forced to spend Christmas in Satan’s backyard,
helping the angels figure out how the green dragons are escaping Hell to
terrorize the human realm on Earth. Astra is thrilled. I mean, there’s nothing
like Hell at Christmastime. The lovely, scorched earth theme delights the
visual pallet while the dulcet sound of terrified screaming serenades the lucky
minions within Hell’s fiery grasp.
Astra’s body may be locked in Hell, but her
thoughts are a few million miles north, where light and angelic music are the
norm. And somewhere in the middle, where bright colors and happy thoughts rule
the day.
So what does a kick ass demon hunter do when
she finds herself holding a big, fat lump of coal on Christmas day? Why, she
thumps an elf , of course!
“So…what’s an elf doing in Hell?”
He spared me a quick glance. “Are
you kidding me? This is our biggest coal distribution area.”
I snorted. “Who’d you piss off to
get Hades duty?”
“I’ve never been very good with
politics,” he murmured.
“Yeah, me neither. What have you
got there?”
He grinned at me. “The nice and
naughty list.”
I frowned. This was a sensitive
subject with me. “Am I on it?”
The elf pretended to peruse the
list, his beady black eyes flashing with terminal hilarity. “Astra Q Phelps?
Let’s see…oh yes, there you are…in the coal section.” He burst into good-natured laughter, his little shoulders rolling and bouncing with mirth.
I frowned, not amused. “How’d you
know my name, elf?”
He shrugged. “I was told you’d be
coming.”
“Who told you I was coming?”
He just shrugged again and
pretended to peruse the scroll.
I tried to read over his shoulder
but he turned his back on me so I couldn’t see. “Why won’t you let me see the
list?”
“Santa / recipient
confidentiality.”
“But I’m a recipient. “
He ignored me and continued to
read the scroll.
I lay down in the snow and, just
for grins, made a snow Tweener. When I stood up to look at it, my Tweener had
horns and a tail. I glared skyward. “Very funny.” Thunder rolled across the
sky, sounding suspiciously like laughter.
Glynus lay down on her belly and
flapped her wings, sending snow billowing over the elf and me. She grunted in
pleasure as the snow cooled her enormous belly. I love snow, Mother Tweener.
Yeah, me too, Tadpole.
Glancing back toward the elf, I tried
a different tactic. “Have you seen a lot of green dragons around here?”
The elf looked up, his dark,
sparkling eyes narrowing on me with distrust. “Why do you ask?”
“That’s why I’m here. I’ve been
tasked with stopping their escape into the human realm.”
His gaze, which had been harmless
and bright a moment earlier, like a puppy’s, was suddenly dark and
unfathomable, almost hostile.
I wasn’t aware elves did hostile.
“You do realize they’re being
poisoned here, right?”
I opened my mouth to respond but
he didn’t give me the chance.
“Their only hope is to get out of
here. You would stop them and cause their deaths? You would really do that? No
wonder you’re on the coal list.”
Sloughing off the un-elf-like
dig, I ploughed onward, seeing a possible end to my stint in maximum security
Hell. “You seem very informed and interested, elf. You wouldn’t by any chance
be involved in helping them escape, would you?”
He pulled himself up to his full
height of about four feet and not much and stuck his little pug nose into the
air, puffing up his rosy cheeks. “If I was involved I wouldn’t tell you, coal girl.”
I felt a snarl building in my
chest. Power tingled in my fingertips. I clenched my hands to stop myself from
flinging a fireball at the vertically challenged rodent. “Look, elf. I don’t
really care if you’re involved. I’m not gonna turn you in to the red guy or
anything. I just want to stop the spill of greens into the human realm so I can
get home and start enjoying the Holidays.”
The look on his face almost took
my breath away. Through his beady little eyes I suddenly saw myself. I finally
realized what I was saying, what I had been trying to do.
I was willing to sign death
warrants for every green dragon in Hell so I could get back to my Champaign and
cookies. I was a schmoe, a shmuck, a class A jerk. I dropped my butt onto the
elf’s three legged stool and buried my face in my hands. “You’re right. I’m an
ass. I do deserve a lump of coal.”
Are you all right, Mother Tweener. Do you want me to thump the elf for
you?
I sighed. No, tadpole. I don’t want you to thump the elf. I may want to do it myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment