Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Dr. Evil has Many Faces! #:0)

Okay, so yesterday I read the book, How I Sold 1 Million eBooks in 5 Months! by John Locke. (No, not the English philosopher John Locke…the other one!) I won’t tell you what I learned because the man deserves to make a profit from his work. Which means he needs to sell books, so I won’t give away any trade secrets here. But what I will do is tell you that it was well worth the $4.99 cost and, if you’re an author trying to maximize your sales, I heartily recommend that you make that small monetary investment.
Commercial over.
(Buy all of Sam’s books!) Huh? What are you talking about? I didn’t see that. Now pay attention because this is important.
I’m writing this blog to announce that I’m about to take over the world.
Seems a bit over the top? Maybe. But it’s been a long time coming. I’ve been sitting here in my hidey hole—Dr. Evil like—stroking my small pet (a dachshund, not a hairless cat, sorry) and chewing the tip of my pinkie finger while planning the total usurpation of the literary world.
(Buy all of Sam’s books!)
All I’ve been missing was the means. I’m an intelligent woman, I mean, you can’t write complex fantasy and romantic suspense plots that seem totally fluffy while being just chock full of non-fluffable substances unless you have a modicum of intelligence. And I’m creative…see previous sentence. My Dancin’ With the Devil fantasy series, which is about Angels and Devils, was ahead of its time when I wrote the first book in 2006. Proving that I think outside the box.  
And I’m always thinking. The tip of my pinkie finger is all but chewed off.
(Buy all of Sam’s books!)   
None-the-less, the path to total domination of the literary world has thus far eluded me. But I’m nothing if not persistent. I’ve sloughed off layers and layers of thin skin in my hapless pursuit of money and fame. I’ve become quite adept at utilizing subliminal messaging (Buy all of Sam’s books!). And I write some of the most exciting, fun loving books around. So what’s holding me back?
It’s very simple.
IT’S YOU!
(BUY ALL OF SAM’S BOOKS! DAMMIT! #:0)
Easy fix, eh? You just need to go buy a book. Problem solved. And to show how thoughtful I am, I’m even providing the link to my website for you here.
What? Oh, think nothing of it. That’s just how I roll. I’m thoughtful that way.
Thanks for your help. When I’ve taken over the world I’ll be sure and give you a nice cozy niche somewhere in my castle, wherein you can consume all of the Sam Cheever books you’d like and eat limitless chocolate.
Hey, I believe in paying it forward!
It was nice chatting with you!
Sam (a.k.a Dr. Evil)

7 comments:

Toni V.S. said...

Having reviewed some of your books, I second that subliminal remark. Buy Sam Cheever's Books, World! Get with it! Now! (I'd like my chocolate sermi-sweet, please.)

Ashlyn Chase said...

LOL! Great post, Sam! Your sales should skyrocket!

Becky said...

Well, Sam, I am slowly getting all of your books. I want to finish getting the Honeybun Hunks Series first though. Honeybun Hunks series is when I first came across you as a new author to me in one of the yahoo groups. So I am a little behind, but trying my best to catch up.

Lizzie said...

I've already signed on for your world take cover...I've bought more than one of your books! And I intend to hold you to the promise of Sam Cheever books and lots of chocolates!!!

Sam Cheever said...

Thank you ladies, I'll definitely remember each and every one of you when I've mastered complete domination. It shouldn't take too long, so I'm doing a mass order for chocolate right now. If I'm gonna have a castle I'm probably gonna need more rugs too...and new china...

Dang! This domination thing's gonna take a lot of thought. But no worries, Like my favorite heroine Astra Q Phelps...I'm definitely up for the challenge. #:0)

Thanks for stopping by ladies, I love you all!

Maggie Nash said...

ROFLMAO!!!!

For some reason I have this uncontrollable urge to buy Sam Cheever's books...weird!

Maggie

Sam Cheever said...

I know, Maggie, right? Snorf! Thanks for stopping by.