Thursday, December 13, 2012

Thursday Tidbit: Santa's Goin' Underground!

For the sake of the embattled Christmas holiday, and to save its celebrants unnecessary pain and stress, Santa has made an extremely difficult, well-thought-out decision. He's decided to do a lateral pass to a stand-in to take the heat off the holiday. With this goal in mind, he's walked into the sunset with his evil sidekick, the brightly clad Christmas tree, and left Christmas in the capable...erm...hands of his replacement.

The Christmas Chicken.

Put down those eye drops. Stop blinking and rubbing your eyes. You aren't seeing things. The Christmas Chicken, or CC as he's known by friends and fellow holiday professionals, has stepped in to carry the banner for the holiday that approximately 95% of Americans and 33% of the world celebrates. Santa has spent some time bringing him up to scratch...if you will...and believe me, CC is definitely ready to take on this challenge. Clad in green and red plaid knickers and an elf hat, CC offers celebrants a whole new perspective on the holiday. Rather than an enormous bag full of gifts in a sleigh, the Christmas Chicken will fly around the world under his own steam on Christmas eve, pulling gifts for happy children from the depths of a large nest made of sticks and magic dust.

In honor of our new Christmas hero, homes that previously harbored the evil Christmas Tree will soon highlight big, beautiful nests filled with bell "eggs" and an earthy array of burlap wrapped gifts. Plates filled with bananas and strawberries will replace the offerings of delicious, sugary, frosted cookies on the fireplace mantle. And letters to Santa that previously traveled to the North Pole will now be rerouted to CC's humble home in North Dakota, U.S.A.  There, in his long, low, production warehouse, CC's beaked and clawed "elves" will create and assemble millions of toys and gifts for the world's joyful celebrants.

In a recent interview with the North Pole Times, CC was asked how he thought the passage of the Christmas baton would affect the season. He responded exactly as many of us who celebrate this wonderful time of year would have responded.

"While a few among us strive to remove the symbols of the Christmas season, calling them "exclusive", "archaic", and "offensive" those of us who hold Christmas dear in our hearts understand that Christmas can never truly be eradicated. Though the symbols and tradition of this joyous time of year may come under attack and may even be altered in an attempt to save it, the real meaning of the season will never die. At the heart of Christmas is man's ideal of love and the joy inherent in giving and providing happiness. Love forms the core of the season...peace is its ultimate hope...and the seed of these admirable precedents is carried in each and every celebrants' heart. Though a few have tried to wrench that seed from our breasts, it only grows stronger with every effort."

Such a smart chicken. Such an invaluable nugget of truth. And I think I'm speaking for everyone when I say, that's one chicken nugget we can all enjoy!

Merry Christmas Everybody!

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