Announcing the Penigram, my solution to mammogram pain

Okay, okay, I know mammograms save lives...I get that. But there has to be a better way people! Any woman who has suffered through the twisting, mashing, and crushing exercise called the mammogram would agree with me. I mean really, do you think our government would allow prisoners at Gitmo to be treated this way? Crushing and ripping their personal and private parts away from their bodies? I don't think so...give me waterboarding any day!

Here's the crux of the thing, if men had to go through this, the medical community would have found a better, less painful way to check for cancerous tissue in breasts by now!

But no worries, I have the solution!

The penigram! Here's the deal. Borrowing an idea from cultures which bury the wife when the husband drops dead, I say we require the husband to get a penigram whenever his wife has to have a mammogram.

A torture twofer.

We just drop the torture gear south and slap that sucker in between the two hated panels, twisting it just right to get the optimum viewpoint, then crank 'em closed to the point of eye watering pain and nuke it.

Voila! The penigram.

I guarantee it would take the medical community about a week to discover a new, less painful way to check breasts for suspicious tissue.

I'm working on the press release right now. Hang in there ladies, help is on the way!

Sam

Ask Dr. Sam - Week of May 26th

Dr. Sam Question

Dr. Sam, I have a coworker who insists on being negative and she keeps foisting her negative views on me. I’m working hard to be effective in my job so I can keep it. How can I stop her discouraging diatribes without creating bad feelings. It’s a small office so if I create hard feelings there will be no way for me to avoid dealing with them. Help!

Discouraged in Detroit

Dr. Sam’s Response

Dear Discouraged,

Dr. Sam has encountered this type of person many times in her career. Life is way too short to deal with someone who likes to complain…constantly…about everything. Here’s what you need to know to deal with your whining office mate. People who constantly complain like to find problems in life, but they really aren’t comfortable with solutions.

Whenever she comes to you complaining about something or someone, you prod and push and encourage her to go to the person in charge and try to find a solution for whatever she’s complaining about. She won’t want to actually solve the problem. She enjoys being its victim too much. If she solves the problem she won’t have anything to complain about! And she'll get tired of finding reasons why she can't try to solve the problem. So she'll stop pestering you with her complaints...although her friends and family outside the office will probably suffer for it. In fact, you might quickly find yourself with your own complaint. An office mate who's always on the phone complaining to others when she's supposed to be working!

Dr. Sam will have to help you solve that problem a bit later...

Dr. Sam
Psychological Prognosticator Extraordinaire
www.samcheever.com
samcheever@samcheever.com