Saturday, June 27, 2009

Announcing the Penigram, my solution to mammogram pain

Okay, okay, I know mammograms save lives...I get that. But there has to be a better way people! Any woman who has suffered through the twisting, mashing, and crushing exercise called the mammogram would agree with me. I mean really, do you think our government would allow prisoners at Gitmo to be treated this way? Crushing and ripping their personal and private parts away from their bodies? I don't think so...give me waterboarding any day!

Here's the crux of the thing, if men had to go through this, the medical community would have found a better, less painful way to check for cancerous tissue in breasts by now!

But no worries, I have the solution!

The penigram! Here's the deal. Borrowing an idea from cultures which bury the wife when the husband drops dead, I say we require the husband to get a penigram whenever his wife has to have a mammogram.

A torture twofer.

We just drop the torture gear south and slap that sucker in between the two hated panels, twisting it just right to get the optimum viewpoint, then crank 'em closed to the point of eye watering pain and nuke it.

Voila! The penigram.

I guarantee it would take the medical community about a week to discover a new, less painful way to check breasts for suspicious tissue.

I'm working on the press release right now. Hang in there ladies, help is on the way!



glenys said...

LOL! Even if it didn't result in a cure, at least we'd have something to smile about while our boobs are being flattened! After all, misery loves company :-)

Sam Cheever said...

Exactly! #:0)