Showing posts with label Astra Q Phelps. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Astra Q Phelps. Show all posts

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Sam's Sunday Snippets


In this short Christmas story, Astra has been conscripted to deal with a demon that’s been sliding down chimneys after Santa leaves, stealing toys, and beating up anyone who tries to stop him. The reportedly hairy, green demon wearing a red Santa suit and hat has been really hard to catch in previous years, but the Big Guy has grown increasingly tired of his antics and, this Christmas, has called out the big guns.
Angry at having to work on Christmas Eve, Astra reluctantly trudges out to deal with The Grinch on a bitterly cold night, carrying with her some really dark thoughts. But the spirit of love and giving soon touches Astra and she discovers she’s not as alone and unloved on a cold night as she might have thought. All she has to do is reach out and embrace her blessings. Not an easy thing for a cynical Tweener to do. But Astra Q Phelps is definitely up for the challenge.

A noise in the alleyway across the street brought me out of my warm thoughts and back to the brutal reality of my task. My gaze whipped toward the alley just in time to see a flash of red disappearing between the buildings. 

I concentrated my power and shifted to the mouth of the alley, landing with my knives clutched firmly in my toasty fingers. I was happy to note that the gloves didn’t affect my grip at all.

A handsome, surprised face, over-scored by white fur, turned in my direction. Sexy lips curved upward at my battle stance. “Hello, my queen.”

I slapped my knives back into their sheaths, feeling my previous good mood slipping away. “Don’t call me that, Dialle. What’s with the garb?”

He was wearing skin-tight, black leather pants that skimmed his long, muscular legs and yummy round posterior in a truly mouth watering way. Tall, red boots with white fur on the tops skimmed his lean calves in a loving embrace. His torso was covered in a form-fitting red velvet shirt, which was laid open at the neck to showcase a truly astounding pair of pecs. He wore a fur trimmed Santa hat. Silky black hair fell in smooth waves from beneath the hat, to curl softly around a square chin with a dimple in the center.

I loved that dimple.

Dialle opened his arms and grinned widely at me. “I’m your Christmas Angel.”

I snorted in a less than ladylike way. The idea that I would have a leader of the Royal Devils as a Christmas Angel was just too funny. “You are many things, bud, but an angel you ain’t.”

Dialle stepped closer, bringing an unnatural and very welcome heat with him. He pulled me into his arms and I sighed, enjoying his scent and warmth. “That’s just because you bring out the devil in me, Astra.”


Download the whole story here!

Merry Christmas Everybody!

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Sam's Sunday Snippets

Continuing to highlight past Christmas free reads, Astra Gets a Lump of Coal for Christmas is from 2010. Enjoy!


In this short Christmas story, Astra is forced to spend Christmas in Satan’s backyard, helping the angels figure out how the green dragons are escaping Hell to terrorize the human realm on Earth. Astra is thrilled. I mean, there’s nothing like Hell at Christmastime. The lovely, scorched earth theme delights the visual pallet while the dulcet sound of terrified screaming serenades the lucky minions within Hell’s fiery grasp.
Astra’s body may be locked in Hell, but her thoughts are a few million miles north, where light and angelic music are the norm. And somewhere in the middle, where bright colors and happy thoughts rule the day.
So what does a kick ass demon hunter do when she finds herself holding a big, fat lump of coal on Christmas day? Why, she thumps an elf , of course!



“So…what’s an elf doing in Hell?”
He spared me a quick glance. “Are you kidding me? This is our biggest coal distribution area.”
I snorted. “Who’d you piss off to get Hades duty?”
“I’ve never been very good with politics,” he murmured.
“Yeah, me neither. What have you got there?”
He grinned at me. “The nice and naughty list.”
I frowned. This was a sensitive subject with me. “Am I on it?”
The elf pretended to peruse the list, his beady black eyes flashing with terminal hilarity. “Astra Q Phelps? Let’s see…oh yes, there you are…in the coal section.” He burst into good-natured laughter, his little shoulders rolling and bouncing with mirth. 
I frowned, not amused. “How’d you know my name, elf?”
He shrugged. “I was told you’d be coming.”
“Who told you I was coming?”
He just shrugged again and pretended to peruse the scroll.
I tried to read over his shoulder but he turned his back on me so I couldn’t see. “Why won’t you let me see the list?”
“Santa / recipient confidentiality.”
“But I’m a recipient. “
He ignored me and continued to read the scroll.
I lay down in the snow and, just for grins, made a snow Tweener. When I stood up to look at it, my Tweener had horns and a tail. I glared skyward. “Very funny.” Thunder rolled across the sky, sounding suspiciously like laughter.
Glynus lay down on her belly and flapped her wings, sending snow billowing over the elf and me. She grunted in pleasure as the snow cooled her enormous belly. I love snow, Mother Tweener.
Yeah, me too, Tadpole.
Glancing back toward the elf,  I  tried a different tactic. “Have you seen a lot of green dragons around here?”
The elf looked up, his dark, sparkling eyes narrowing on me with distrust. “Why do you ask?”
“That’s why I’m here. I’ve been tasked with stopping their escape into the human realm.”
His gaze, which had been harmless and bright a moment earlier, like a puppy’s, was suddenly dark and unfathomable, almost hostile.
I wasn’t aware elves did hostile.
“You do realize they’re being poisoned here, right?”
I opened my mouth to respond but he didn’t give me the chance.
“Their only hope is to get out of here. You would stop them and cause their deaths? You would really do that? No wonder you’re on the coal list.”
Sloughing off the un-elf-like dig, I ploughed onward, seeing a possible end to my stint in maximum security Hell. “You seem very informed and interested, elf. You wouldn’t by any chance be involved in helping them escape, would you?”
He pulled himself up to his full height of about four feet and not much and stuck his little pug nose into the air, puffing up his rosy cheeks. “If I was involved I wouldn’t tell you, coal girl.”
I felt a snarl building in my chest. Power tingled in my fingertips. I clenched my hands to stop myself from flinging a fireball at the vertically challenged rodent. “Look, elf. I don’t really care if you’re involved. I’m not gonna turn you in to the red guy or anything. I just want to stop the spill of greens into the human realm so I can get home and start enjoying the Holidays.”
The look on his face almost took my breath away. Through his beady little eyes I suddenly saw myself. I finally realized what I was saying, what I had been trying to do.
I was willing to sign death warrants for every green dragon in Hell so I could get back to my Champaign and cookies. I was a schmoe, a shmuck, a class A jerk. I dropped my butt onto the elf’s three legged stool and buried my face in my hands. “You’re right. I’m an ass. I do deserve a lump of coal.”
Are you all right, Mother Tweener. Do you want me to thump the elf for you?
I sighed. No, tadpole. I don’t want you to thump the elf.  I may want to do it myself. 
Download the rest of the story here!



Monday, December 3, 2012

Sam's Sunday Snippets

As Christmas fast approaches, and I busily work to complete this year's Christmas story, I thought it might be fun to highlight previous year's free Christmas reads. So this week's Sunday Snippet is from my 2011 Astra Q Phelps short, The Year the Grinch Stole Santa. Enjoy!

~~*~~

Astra is determined to take Christmas off, so she’s been ignoring the nearly constant calls from the North Pole to help them find Santa, who’s disappeared just days before Christmas.

But when a flash mob of elves show up and whisk her away to the North Pole, fresh from the shower and all nakies, what’s a Tweener to do?

Looks like Astra will be working again on Christmas after all.

                                               ~~*~~

Peace on Earth and Goodwill toward Men…Bleurgh!

In my world, nobody’s peaceful.

Nobody.

In Heaven, the Big Guy’s fighting to come to some kind of agreement with the Union of Guardian Angels and he’s worried about a major strike that will leave everybody on Earth unprotected. On Earth, violence has spiked and people are going crazy over taxes and a truly stinky economy, as well as a food shortage. And at the North Pole, there have been rumors of Elf unrest and Santa has gone missing.

It’s been all I could do to keep myself in the holiday spirit. With that goal in mind, I was currently ignoring multiple calls a day from the North Pole.

Ignoring? You ask in disbelief. Ignoring Santa!?

Yes. I’m ignoring Santa.

Or rather, his elves. The little buggers have been calling me every five minutes and I’ve been doing my best to avoid those calls. Why? you ask. because I’m sick and frunkin’ tired of having to work every Christmas.

Just for once I’d like to spend the week before Christmas shopping for gifts, attending holiday parties, and baking cookies like everybody else.

I saw that face.

You don’t think I can bake cookies do you? Huh?

Okay. You’re right. But I can frunkin’ eat ‘em can’t I?

Sigh. If I get the chance.

My televisual bleeped again and I grabbed the pillow next to me and covered my face with it. Cursing like a green Martian policeman, I climbed out of bed and headed for the personal hygiene room, intending to drown my sorrows in blissfully hot soapy water.

A few minutes later, I was soaking wet and happily soapy when the lights in the room flickered and I sensed movement. I squinted one eye open, cognizant of the soap running down my face, and started to pull my power forward.

Something light and shimmery landed on my head and my power froze on my fingertips. My eyes opened wide and I immediately regretted it as soap ran into them in a stinging stream.

“Frunk!” I lifted a hand and scraped it over my face and then glared down at my diminutive attackers, my eyes trying their best to close under the sting.

A familiar face glared back at me.

“Ralphy!”

He was dressed in green tights and a green tunic and wearing a red pointed hat, a wide red belt, and red shoes with curling toes.

As usual, he looked ridiculous.

Behind him ranged several more vertically challenged rodents wearing stupid outfits to match Ralphy’s. They all had ridiculously rosy cheeks too, but their expressions were less jolly.

In fact they mostly looked royally pissed.

Ralphy looked down his pug nose at me. It didn’t take him long since it was only about an inch long. “Astra Q Phelps. I came to tell you that, this year, you’re so naughty you don’t even rate coal. This year all you’re gonna get from the North Pole is hostility.”

~~*~~


Want more? You can download the entire story free!

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Halloween Horror Special - Week 1

Hexually Obsessed - October 26, 2012
In honor of my favorite time of year and season, I'm offering the following dark and scary free read, All Hell-ows Eve. Next week I'll highlight a second story, entitled Twice in a Blue Moon. Before you start to read this, you might want to make sure your lights are on. Bwahahaha!

All Hell-ows Eve - A Halloween Horror Story

October 31st.  All Hallows Eve.  The devil's Mardi Gras.  Within walls painted with the scarlet broth of human life, in Devil King Nerul's court, buried deep within the bowels of an unsuspecting Earth, All Hallows Eve is celebrated in a way that brings to mind the human holiday, Christmas.  Beneath the holiday tree in Nerul's court however, the only gifts are corpses, wrapped in their own stink, and tied with the roiling ribbons of their newly claimed maggot hosts. 

Within these walls all manner of horror waits in rabid anticipation of the culmination of the grand scheme, which was born as long as 2000 years ago, and comes to fruition on this night. 

Halloween, 2012.  In the spirit world, the year of the devil.

As young, fresh-cheeked toddlers and adolescents choke down their dinners in their eagerness to don their costumes and hit the streets, their evil counterparts gather below with putrefying smiles and plan their evening's delights, preening flesh-clogged claws and razor edged fangs in preparation for the coming carnage. 

The word had spread like wildfire through the spirit world.  It had passed with the tenacity of long told tales and hero's songs.  On this Eve, the proclamation tells, a life could be regained for a life lost.  For a brief time, ending exactly at midnight, death's cold, filthy grasp could be traded for the warmth and joys of life.  The rules, proclaimed by Nerul, were simple and grave:  Kill a young human brutally, with uncommon violence.  And life and beauty would be yours again.  No ordinary killing would do.  Only through extreme violence could the exchange be paid. 

Brutality among the court's demons, devils, and gargoyles was not a problem.  They regularly paid death its due through excessive carnage.  They only feared the good in man.  Goodness served as both a lure and a killing frost to their type of evil purpose.  It was as acid to their flesh, unutterable despair to their spirits.  And in this unwelcome trait, the sweet, untainted child was of particular danger to them. 

With this knowledge in their tortured thoughts, Nerul's monsters gathered with a mixture of fear and gleeful anticipation.  For the sweet syrup of human goodness was a wine they rarely dared to drink.  These dwellers of subterranean dark generally set their sights on those of human form whose souls had long ago been bartered away for temporary riches, whether monetary or of the flesh.  Those humans who took the downward spiral in their humane growth, and passed beyond the hope of ever finding their way back, were ready and tender targets for Nerul and his kind.  This type of victim the hosts of human nightmares understood and readily hunted. 

In contrast, their prey on this most important of nights would be heavily protected from the monsters' lures.  The good were constantly guarded and watched by their guardian Angels.  And once they had been separated from their guardians, their sweet natures would still burn as acid until it was tainted by evil.  It was this task that would prove the most difficult.  Luring the good into evil so that they could be subdued. 

As dusk gathered like a mask across the land, children and monsters alike left the cover of their dwellings and walked out, gleefully anticipating the coming Halloween delights.  Children greeted each other with high-pitched, Angelic voices and taunted their elders for homemade tidbits and sweet-tasting treats while tripping happily over their ghostly sheets and bewitching finery.  Among them, short, jolly monsters with bloodied, latex faces and glowing, green plastic eyes danced from house to house, swinging bags that bulged with gastronomic delights and sang out a childish challenge to all that they passed.  None of them dreamed that behind the next tree, beyond the next hill, the stuff of true nightmares awaited them, watching for the opportunity to drink greedily of their potent human wine.

Hovering watchfully above these sweet human targets, the Angels of God trained careful, probing eyes on their charges and cast their web of goodness around the unsuspecting children like a protective wall.  While Nerul's monsters could boast freely to each other of their indifference to the Angels' powers, nary a one thought to test those powers when they were gathered en masse as they were this special night.  After a human hour's passage of time, the monsters, disgusted and repelled by the wall of goodness they'd encountered on those lively streets, retreated to council beneath a fat and taunting moon.  Deep in a cold foreboding wood, where displaced spirits danced their fearful dance across the wind-stripped limbs of winter's trees, the monsters bent their terrible heads and began to plan. 

They snatched sleeping squirrels from their peaceful nests and bit off their tiny heads thoughtfully as they discussed their attack.  Encircling a fire that shot upward from a hole in the earth at the center of their evil council, they argued and pierced each other with gore-touched claws and blood-slimed teeth.  Then, at last, heads nodding in agreement, they doused the fires of Hell in their midst and moved out into the night, to make real the nightmare they'd hatched in that dark, cold wood.

As the monsters settled into place in the shadows just beyond the light, calling to their king to bend his special powers to fulfillment of their plan, a lone child emerged from a darkened house, clutching her mother's work-roughened hand.  The child was very small, with bright blue eyes and hair that was a scarlet spark under the efficient, white glow of the streetlights.  Her name was Astra and, although she was very young and very small, she moved with the purpose of the very old and her eyes were filled with an understanding that surpassed time.  She was followed by a single, bright Angel whose name was Myra, and whose scowling countenance foretold the night to come.

As the child moved through the unsuspecting revelers, she looked often to her Angel and smiled a bright, childish smile as if to offset the celestial creature's stern countenance.  Angel Myra's response was to scowl more thoroughly and scan the area around them with increased intensity.  The ghoulish hunters could not avoid being drawn to Astra.  Their red-rimmed eyes followed her tiny form down the streets with a mixture of hunger and dread.  For her part, Astra gathered her treats rather carelessly, and without apparent joy, as if she were simply playing a part that could not be avoided.  Her weary mother trudged along beside her, yawning widely and offering sleepy smiles to the treat givers they approached.

One ravenous demon, drawn in by the child's sweetness and apparent fragility, stepped from behind a large oak and stared down at Astra through glowing, dead eyes.  As Myra reared back to strike, Astra held up a small hand and frowned.  With a pucker of her soft, pink lips, little Astra blew a tender kiss at the monster and then laughed childishly as he scurried away with a roar.  The child's mother, not at all convinced of the harmlessness of the thing they'd just encountered, jerked her young charge into the brighter lights and, looking over her shoulder with a shiver, pulled Astra along to the next house.

Myra followed, scolding the child softly and with great intensity.  Astra accepted her scolding with a soft smile.  "It was just a costume, Myra."  She said in soft tones when her mother was distracted.  With this Myra scowled all the more deeply and said, "You know better, Astra." 

The child's brave defiance when confronted by a living, breathing nightmare spurred the monsters on.  With renewed vigor they called upon Nerul to help them set their plan into motion.  As the revelers squeezed the last of the bounty from the dying night, as lights and candles winked off all around them, and footsteps turned wearily toward home, Nerul raised his awful countenance and drove his massive powers into the rock and dirt that formed the roof of his court in the bowels of the Earth.  In response, the very street the children walked upon began to tremble and crack.  With a thunderous roar, the street ripped apart and flew skyward to expose the fires of Hell beneath. 

With screams of surprise and then terror, children scattered or were whisked away by their guardians.  The children who had been standing in the place where the jagged edges of the fiery pit emerged, teetered and screamed and fell into it, landing in the hard, leathery arms of their worst nightmares.  While Hell's flames lapped hungrily at soft, cringing flesh, the monsters bent their terrible heads to whisper words of temptation into the tender, captive ears.  Many of the small victims succumbed to evil's promise and gave way.  These the monsters dove upon and devoured.  A few, good, brave children shook their tiny heads in denial of Hades' pledge.  These the monsters rejected with a roar of terror and disgust, flinging them from the fires of Hell, where they were gathered up, once again, by their frantic guardian Angels. 

By the hundreds, the guardian Angels left their charges and flew into the pit to save the howling children.  And as they fought the demons of Hell, the Angels called to the heavens in crystalline tones of supplication.  Demons, devils, and gargoyles; taking advantage of the children’s newly unguarded state; emerged from the shadows and carried them off, whispering terrible words of temptation and threat into their helpless ears.

As the smoke of burning flesh filled the air, and the sound of childish screaming cut into the calm quiet of those human streets, doors and windows flew open and people ran into the streets to watch in horror while their world exploded around them.

In the midst of it all, Astra stood quiet and calm, arms outstretched, and called selected children around her.  At her calm insistence, even the most terror stricken of the chosen few moved to stand quietly at her side.  The demons, seeing in the small child a power greater than theirs, made no attempt to breach her circle of control and the thirteen, specially-picked children she'd called to her side were spared. 

Moments later, the bells of St. Michael's church on the corner began to strike the hours of Midnight.  As each hour chimed away, the edges of the earth began to knit themselves back together and the smoke began to clear.  The screams died away to muted cries and then silence, and the world began to right itself.  As the midnight hour was reached, the revelers seemed to shake themselves off and take a collective, deep breath.  They blinked and moved to retrieve lost bags filled with sweet delights, resuming their measured steps toward home.  Neighbors shook their heads and returned to their homes, wondering what trick of fate had brought them out of their warm beds and into the cold, quiet night.

Young Astra looked up and smiled sadly as Myra settled once again at her back.  Quietly they made their way home, dragging Astra's exhausted mother behind.  Once there, young Astra made an excuse to her mother and stood outside for just a moment longer, glancing at her Angel with a sad frown.

            "How many do you think, my Angel?"
           
            Myra shrugged and her habitual scowl deepened.  "At least a dozen I fear."

            "How many did you save?"

            The Angel's soft lips took a downward turn, "Not nearly enough."

            Astra nodded and touched her Angel's pale, translucent hand.  "Will their parents know?"

            Myra shook her golden head and sighed.  "They see what they want to see, Astra."

Astra lowered her head and turned to enter her house.  One by one the lights of the street winked off and keys turned in locks.  Inside the homes, sleepy children kissed their parents' cheeks and trudged wearily off to bed.  If some of these small, sleepy faces seemed somehow different...somehow colder...somehow sharper...their parents didn't notice. 

The day was spent.  The air outside was clear and cold.  The moon lay fat and smiling in the sky.  It was time to put aside the cares of the day.  Small forms settled down to sleep in down-covered beds, with softly glowing nightlights at their heads to protect them from the monsters under the bed.  But many of the monsters had moved from under the bed to rest upon it.  In many beds innocence no longer slept.  In these beds, eyes that had been bright with childish delight that morning, now glowed with an unearthly fever, demonic with the pleasure of humanity gained.  Until at last, two by two, these cold eyes closed in restless sleep, to foster dreams of celebrations to come. 

October 31st, 2013.  In the spirit world, the year of the demon.


Happy Halloween Everybody!

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Sam's Sunday Snippets

Book 3 - Dancin' With the Devil
"This is one of those series filled with all the good things I want in fiction. I can't imagine ever getting tired of books like these where the characters and dialogue make the action come alive for the reader!" 
~The Romance Studio

Astra's world is flipped upside down when she's called to a demon nightclub to rescue her magic-phobic sister, Darma. Turns out the event is only a precursor of the weirdness to come. A veil of twisted magic is descending over the Earth and it's making everybody crazy. Humans are killing humans, magic users are killing other magic users, dark worlders are attacking humans at an alarming rate and madness is rolling over everyone in waves. When the guardian angels start succumbing to a rare disease called Devil's Plague, Astra decides a visit to the prophet is in order. But before Astra can get her arms around it all, she finds herself facing the biggest challenge she’s ever had to face—being surrogate parent to a baby dragon. No way!

It's a whole lot of stuff for one little Tweener to manage. But Astra Q Phelps is definitely up to the challenge.

~~*~~

Dialle grabbed my arm and pulled me close, capturing my lips with his and wrapping an arm possessively around my waist. Hot, sexually charged breath bathed my face as his soft lips devoured mine. I pulled his scent into my core and welcomed it with a purr of satisfaction. My toes curled and my happy place tingled in anticipation.

I placed a hand on each perfect butt cheek and pulled him more closely against the place where I needed him most. He groaned against my lips and captured my bottom lip with sharp, white teeth.

I gasped as a drop of blood escaped from under his gently nibbling teeth. He released the lip and sucked the place where he’d drawn blood.

I was skewered, cooked and arranged on a platter. Put an apple in my mouth.

My hand slid inside his shirt and skimmed down the smooth, unnatural heat of his belly.

I didn’t stop there.

Pushing my way past the taut waistline of his jeans, I grabbed the hardest, warmest part of him.
He gasped and captured my ear lobe with his teeth. “What about the gargoyles?”

I shrugged, lost in a lust induced fog. “Emo can handle them for a couple of minutes. I’ll just be a minute here.”

He chuckled and slid a hand up under my sweater. His long, talented fingers finding the highest point and pinching gently, nearly bringing me to my knees from pleasure. He was working his way under my thigh length skirt with the other hand when an unearthly scream pierced the air.



Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Another Truly Villainous Interview!


Terrified Reporter: I wish I could say I was happy to be interviewing today’s villain, but unfortunately several years of Christian school have made me just slightly paranoid about Satan. Yes, you heard me right. I said Satan. He’s the arch nemesis in all of Sam Cheever’s Dancin’ With the Devil series books, so when I was told I needed to interview her villain he was the guy…erm…serpent. So, anywho, I won’t tell you I’m not nervous about it…but here we go. (I’m wearing the biggest cross I could find and I stopped by Saint Mary’s on the way into the office so I could drench myself in holy water. I have an exorcist standing by and I’m sitting in the middle of a perfect circle of burning white candles. I have no idea if the candles will help, but I’m desperate at this point.

Terrified reporter: So. I guess I should say hello. But I’m not going to welcome you, Satan.

Satan: (Shrugs) You’re a bug under my shoe, honey. You think I care? (frowns) Why are you all wet?

Terrified reporter: Never mind. Okay. So I understand that you make Astra Q Phelp’s life very difficult in the Dancin’ With the Devil stories. Can you tell us about that?  

Satan: I make everyone’s life miserable. It’s just how I roll. But Astra is special. She keeps getting in between me and my big plans and it’s annoying. I’d have taken her out by now but I’m really hoping that, once she comes through her Settling, she’ll end up on the darker side of gray and she’ll be mine.

Terrified reporter: What’s her Settling? I don’t understand.

Satan: Astra’s a Tweener. She’s part devil and part angel. The Settling is the time when Tweeners go either to their dark or light sides. Astra’s Settling is currently nip and tuck…a drop ball…a center ice face-off…

Terrified reporter: (frowns) You’re mixing your metaphors.

Satan: (Flings hand up and explodes the Terrified reporter’s potted plant.)  I AM SATAN! THE MIGHTY SERPENT! I can mix whatever I want! Don’t ever correct me again, puny mortal!

Terrified reporter: (climbs, whimpering, out from under her desk) Got it, no correcting. So sorry. Please continue.

Satan: Anyway…(throws one last glare at the reporter) I’ve been trying to drag Astra toward her dark side since she was 5 years old and killed her first demon in the sandbox…

Terrified reporter: What? Wait a minute, she killed a demon at age 5? Why?

Satan: Laughs, if you have to ask why you’ve never met a demon. Have you? Ever met a demon?

Terrified reporter: Well, no…

Satan: Wrong! You’ve met me haven’t you? (laughs and shakes head) Stupid humans. So easy. She killed the demon because he tried to take her little bucket. Oh, and he attacked her sister Darma. But it was the bucket that really tipped her boat. That’s when I knew she had the right stuff to join my army.

Terrified reporter: So what’s keeping her from going dark?

Satan: (shrugs) I’m not sure. Her mother is delightfully evil. Such a saucy little number is Danika Phelps. Just yummy. But her father… (grimaces with distaste) James Phelps has a huge, pearly stick up his ass. He’s been sitting at the right hand of the Big Guy for too long, an angel of the highest order. Prick. He and Astra’s bitchy aunt Myra, an archangel, influence her too strongly. They even managed to turn one of my best Royal Devils into a pansy assed Unifier. I had high hopes for Dialle too. Pity.

Terrified reporter: So this Settling thing…what exactly does it do?

Satan: It’s an internal war between their dark natures and their light. (waggles eyebrows) And it makes them REALLY horny. It lasts a year and when it’s over they come out either good or evil.

Terrified reporter: (frowns) They can’t just come out neutral?

Satan: Never heard of that happening. But if anybody could accomplish it Astra could. She’s a real pitchfork in the ass, that one. (shakes head)

Terrified reporter: Well, that’s just about all the time we have… Wait! Where are you going?

Satan: (saunters away, grinning) There’s a playground across the street isn’t there? I’m gonna go corrupt some young minds.

Terrified reporter: No! Don’t do that! Oh my, I should never have brought him here. Satan! Serpent! Have you seen my cross? Damn!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Astra Speaks to the Angel City Bugler



In honor of my new release, The Devil You Know, I've decided to re-release Astra's interview with the Angel City Bugler, the local paper in the town where she lives. Enjoy!

Astra Q Phelps recently did an interview for the Angel City Bugler, during which she gives readers some wonderful insights into how she got her start as a kick-butt demon slayer and all around tough Tweener.
~~*~~


Hello Astra, thank you for joining us today, we love your books and were hoping we could get to know you a little bit.

Hey! How’s it going? You got anything here that needs to be blown up or vanquished?

Uh, well, no, not really. I have an ex-husband… But no, forget I said that. I just wanted to chat with you for a few minutes.

You don’t want me to save the world?

Um, no, not right at this moment.

Oh good. Okay.

So, Astra, you certainly lead an exciting life. Vanquishing demons, fighting off devilishly handsome Royal Devil Princes, and saving the world, how does one get into this line of work?

One has to be born a Tweener, with a powerful Seraphim for a father and an equally powerful Royal Devil with witch powers as a mother. It’s not an easy gig you know.

I can imagine. Can you tell us what exactly a Tweener is?

Are you kidding me? Do you live in a cave? (shakes head) Tweeners are half angel and half devil. We’re a warrior race that helps the Big Guy out in the epic battle between good and evil. (shrugs) I thought everybody knew that.

Impressive. So how long have you been doing this? Vanquishing demons I mean?

Well, I vanquished my first one when I was five I think. He tried to steal my little red bucket in the sandbox. I loved that bucket. I’d have done anything to keep it.

You, um, (clears throat) you killed a demon for stealing a bucket?

Well yes and no. He tried to eat my sister, Darma too, but it was the bucket that really set me off.

I um, I see. Well, so you figured out you were good at vanquishing demons when you were five and decided that might be a good way to make a living?

Absolutely not! I mean, yeah, I was good at it. But saving the world is so hard…and exhausting. I probably would have just gotten a job throwing rowdy schmoes out of extra-terra nightclubs if it hadn’t been for that stupid prophesy.

Prophesy?

Yeah, the one that has me working with the great Unifer, that’s Devil Prince Dialle we think…we’re not absolutely sure at this point...to save the world.

Wow!

(Astra nods head) Yeah, wow! Except the world doesn’t stay saved. I can’t tell you how many meals and how much sleep I’ve missed over the last several months trying to keep this stupid world saved. It’s become a full time job.

(Reporter leers) Yes, but there are perks aren’t there. I mean, you get to lock lips with the gorgeous Dialle on a regular basis.

Oh yeah. I mean, he’s really yummy, and impossible to resist let me tell you…but there’s so much to do when saving the world, there just isn’t all that much time for extra-curricular activities if you know what I mean.

But I understand you manage, somehow.

(Astra grins) Yeah, we manage. Somehow.

So, what’s it like? Hanging out with the magical crowd? Are they nice?

(Astra snorts) Nice? Lady, what planet are you from? No really, what planet?

(Reporter shrugs) My ancestors came from Venus.

That explains a lot. None of them are Nice. Even the angels have an agenda. They’re good, yes, but rarely nice. Demons are just plain skuzzy, with their pretty masks that fool humans every time, and you don’t want to get yourself in a room with a lot of them when the temperatures are very high…

Dangerous huh?

What? No, they smell like last week’s steak on the windowsill. And then there are the Royals…well, they’re beautiful and everything, but they’re just like sexy walking uber-agendas, you know. And their plans are never good for yours truly or the human race. (Astra sighs) My social circle just fizzes with conflict, intrigue, and dangerous agendas.

Well, you certainly have a difficult job.

Tell me about it.

But what’s this I hear about you going to the Big House to visit the Big Guy in ‘Tween a Devil and His Hard Place?

Cool place. All light and airy and stuff. He needed to fill me in on something…I’m still not sure what…talk about agendas… Something about getting my father back. He was at the right hand of God before he fell you know.

Your father? Really?

Yup. Took over the celestial army when Michael retired. The Big Guy needs him to help keep the humans safe against a really big plot to take over control of the dark world and humankind. The demons are in an uproar and the rumor is that the Angel City witch coven is pulling the strings behind the uprising. And to make things even worse, somebody from the Big House is involved and helping the witches. A dark angel with some power apparently. Some think it’s my father.

But you don’t believe it I’m sure.

Not for a minute. But the sticker is I’ve got to prove it. No easy task while saving the world.

So what’s on your plate for the next book. Are you saving the world again?

Of course. In the third book of the series, the ratio between magic and non-magic is being altered by the dropping of a veil of twisted magic. Humans can’t survive under the veil and as it descends they get increasingly crazy and start attacking everything in sight. I of course have to find the cause and put everything right again. Meanwhile, I’ve been marked by the Serpent as one of the conduits…

Serpent? Conduits?

(Astra smiles) I guess you’ll just have to read the book.

Sounds fascinating, I can’t wait. I want to thank you for visiting with me today, Astra. It’s been very…ah…illuminating.

Yeah, sure. Hey, you haven’t seen a really small dragon running around here have you?

(Reporter picks up her feet) A dragon? Why no, did you lose one?

(Astra shrugs) Maybe. Oh well, I’ll just follow the char marks…