Getting Older. Free will. Fruitcake.
Hoo boy. This should be interesting. Okay, here I go.
I'm not old. Not in an age when people regularly live well into their nineties. But I recently underwent a life-changing event when my youngest daughter got married. This was an emotional time for me for a lot of reasons. I suffered all the usual emotions of course, but the wedding also hit me on another level, one that I never expected. It made me feel old. That sucked. I can't explain why it hit me like this, it just did. Maybe it's because as a daughter, wife, and mother, I've spent my life doing things for others that I didn't always want to do. That's not a complaint, I've had a blessed life and I know that. What I did, I did out of love. No regrets. But I always thought that, one day, I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, and I guess I've become a little selfish now that I'm so much closer to realizing that goal. Absolute truth.
Now here's where the event comes in. If you don't know me personally, you probably don't know that I'm not one for emotional displays or celebrations. I'm a pretty low key, under the radar kind of person. When we got married, my husband and I did a simple ceremony with just ourselves, a pastor, and our witnesses. Simple and quick. It was perfect for me. So I wasn't thrilled with the idea of a full-blown wedding. Long story, very short...It turned out fine, my daughter was gorgeous, and a good time was had by all. I'm so glad it's over. #:0) However, the event made me indulge in some internal examination...always fun right? I tried to figure out why I hate going to parties so much, why I abhor the spotlight being turned on me, and why these events that others cherish tend to just make me grumpy. I boiled it down to this, basically, I'm in my "do what I want to do when I want to do it phase", a.k.a. I've reached the age that I always thought was still out there a ways... Apparently it's here. Now.
I never saw it coming.
On a deeper level, if I go to an event it's almost always because someone is pressuring me to do it. I would never choose to go to, for example a school reunion (blech!) or a party unless I felt pressure to go. That's where free will comes in. Especially as you get older, you resist more and more the loss of your free will. Some extremely old people take this phenomenon way too far, assuming they have the right to do anything to anybody without repercussions simply because they managed to attain a ripe old age. But when you're in your fifties like I am, this desire to do what you want, when you want, with whom you want is merely a desire rather than an avocation. #:0)
So...you might be wondering...where does fruitcake come in? Most people would exclaim that fruitcake should NEVER come in...EVER. LOL
ADD Moment: I've always wondered why fruitcake survived as a food when almost nobody likes it. I've even heard of families who repackage the same thirty year old fruitcake each year and regift it to somebody in the family just for giggles. As traditions go it's a little odd, but sounds like tons of fun. Like turkey and dressing, fruitcake has become a holiday tradition. The only difference is, people actually eat the turkey and dressing. On a positive note, fruitcake actually makes a pretty good doorstop. #:0)
Back to the links: So anyway, enough of my ramblings. What? Oh, how does fruitcake link you ask? Well, the other day I saw a recipe using fruitcake that actually sounded good to me. I might even buy a fruitcake and make it this year. Why? Because I'm getting older...and my tastes are changing...and besides, it was my idea (a.k.a. free will).
Link closed.
Happy Reading everybody!
No comments:
Post a Comment